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Many
people “panic” when they first receive divorce papers. It is
understandable. Divorce is often unpleasant. Few people want their marriage
to end in a divorce. Divorce is usually a time when there is a great deal
of conflict and confusion about what is going to happen, what has happened,
and what can be done. In addition, it is often a
time when both husband and wife try to “protect” themselves by trying to “gain
the upper hand,” “doing what they think is right,” or “making the first
move.”
The
first two weeks to one month after a divorce filing is made or received is
usually a chaotic time for both the husband and the wife (regardless who
filed the divorce petition). Neither one knows what is
going to happen, and the person who received the divorce petition is often unprepared,
did not know there was anything wrong, or the divorce filing came at a
particularly high stress time in their marital relationship sometimes after
a fight, yelling match, heated arguments, or other problems between the
husband and wife ‘coming to a head.”
In
addition, either the husband or the wife may be telling the other what his
or her attorney said is “going to happen,” or that the “court is going to do,”
leading to additional fear and anxiety. And, to make matters worse, the
petition may ask for what seems to be “outlandish” relief or make “false
statements.”
The
best reaction is usually to take a deep breath and try to be calm. Good
decisions are rarely made when people are at their
highest emotions.
The
first thing to do when served with divorce papers (the “petition”) is to
contact a lawyer. Although everyone has a right to represent themselves, it is rarely a “good idea,” and an old
saying goes that, “He who is his own lawyer has a fool for a client.” Despite
what many people think, the law is complex and even in situations in which
the dispute seems simple, it is rarely a good idea to not
seek a lawyer’s advice.
It
is of critical importance that after receiving divorce papers, those papers
not be “ignored.” They will not “go away.” Things will not “get better.” By
not responding properly to divorce papers, many people have given up
valuable rights, or entered into agreements that they could have easily
avoided by proper action.
If
nothing else is done, after receiving divorce papers, at least an “answer” or
“response” should be filed in the court identified on the papers within the time stated.
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