Can I date after filing for divorce?

Yes, you can. And many people do.

Our advice? Don’t.

You are married and although this is not the nineteenth century and although Kansas is a “no-fault” state, your spouse may try to use your actions against you – and in high conflict disputes most likely will.

You and your spouse may have agreed long ago that your marriage is at an end. You may assume that the end of your loving relationship means that you can (and should) move on and start your healing process by starting to meet new people to form new relationships. But the process of separation and divorce takes many twists and turns. Anger and jealousy are strong emotions. Emotions are some of the significant factors that lead to nasty and expensive divorce proceedings.

The courts will probably not pay any attention to allegations by one spouse that the other has gone out with someone else – whether it allegedly occurred before or after filing the divorce. However, the judge is not the person who will raise the issue nor the person whose wrath causes problems.

If you are already involved with another person or cannot resist dating, prepare yourself for the problems that might arise – and tell us.

If you are involved in a relationship or if your spouse suspects you are involved or dating another person, tell us.

It is always better for us to find out from you that you are involved with someone other than your spouse or that you are dating, rather than from your spouse or the other attorney, so that we can help you through the minefield of possible consequences.

It is much better that we find out when it first occurs – or when you first meet with us – than it is for us to find out during delicate negotiations when we could have easily dealt with it in a less critical atmosphere.

We understand that you need to talk with others and that you need to “heal” from all the things that have (and are) happening in your relationship. We suggest you talk with your existing network of friends and that you seek help with a good psychologist or social worker who is qualified in grief and divorce counseling. If you need a referral, we work closely with many good mental health professionals who are sensitive to the needs of people involved in domestic relations matters.

 

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